The World's Biggest Inside Joke

People without children can recognize the humor (or mind-numbing insanity) involved when parents tell stories about their kids. But it’s just that, a recognition; some kind of dispassionate cerebral process. Other parents, though, have the gut-wrenching visceral response associated with having lived through the same thing themselves. Parenthood is the world’s biggest inside joke.

Carina left for work early this morning, leaving me with the kids alone. I was preparing to hop in the shower, and the kids were supposed to be eating breakfast. They were sitting side-by-side at the kitchen table, working through their oatmeal. All was calm. I knew I was in for trouble.

As my foot hit the first step, I heard Tayler trying to attract Tyler’s attention. I knew from the tone of voice she was using that she was going to urge Tyler to sit somewhere else, so as to avoid any trouble. This is, of course, a perfectly reasonable solution for an eight year old to devise. It is, of course, completely unreasonable for Tayler to move herself. Tyler refused to listen to her sister, and kept saying “No” in the middle of Tayler’s sentences. By the time I reached the mid-way point up the stairs, Tayler was screaming at Tyler to pay attention.

After finally settling that crisis, I got in the shower. While rinsing shampoo out of my hair, I heard a knock at the door.

I got out, dried off, and dressed. I went downstairs to find Tyler – still without shoes – on the phone speaking to Carina’s voicemail explaining that she could not find her blue pill.